Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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