You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
