DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
