Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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