I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
