I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
We need a shit load of segways right now
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
