I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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