five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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