I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize