Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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