i permit you to call me
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
