Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
