hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
