I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
