it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.