If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Randomize
