Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Green mimosas i think yes
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass