I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.