he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
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I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
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Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
i think my cat just said my name.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.