Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
