i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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