Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
