no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
