Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
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I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
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Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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