Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
