that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
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