i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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