I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
