Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I love you.
Bad choice
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
