Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
