I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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