Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
