Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
