Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
