My liver just broke up with me...
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
