Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
