I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Randomize
