birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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