I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
