you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
