my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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