Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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