I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Randomize
