girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
