He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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