like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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