his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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