he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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