Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Randomize
