my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
