I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
