it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
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So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
She just used a chaser for red wine.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
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When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
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