Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
