When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
okay pat passed out under dana's car
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
