The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
