On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
