so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
