So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
