I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
