i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
