bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
