is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
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He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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