I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
