when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
