Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Randomize
