I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Randomize
