Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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