I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
