he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
