Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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