it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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