Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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