it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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