Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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