Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
