i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
