I'm laying in your front yard are you home
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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